Carrying the Tiger
“A beautifully devastating memoir … A remarkable odyssey of learning to ‘live fully in the shadow of death.’” — Publishers Weekly (Editor’s Pick)
Tony Stewart and his wife navigate her cancer treatment with humor and grace, and after she dies, his journey through grief reveals that grief and joy can coexist.
Winner, GOLD MEDAL, Global Book Awards • Winner, GOLD MEDAL, IndieReader Discovery Awards • Finalist, BEST MEMOIR, Library Journal/Indie Author Project
When Lynn and I learned that she had incurable cancer, we sat together at our kitchen table—holding hands, cherishing our love, and wondering how to make the most of what remained. Thus began our extraordinary journey of courage, heartbreak and enduring love, as we navigated the twists and turns of Lynn’s treatment while learning to live fully in the shadow of death.
Carrying the Tiger chronicles our final years together with unflinching honesty and deep tenderness. Through my eyes and excerpts from my journal, we witness the intimate moments that matter most: difficult decisions made with courage and hope; love, laughter and dancing at midnight; and the honor and privilege of being present for Lynn’s final breath.
But Carrying the Tiger doesn't end with Lynn's passing. Six weeks after she died, I began talking with an acquaintance named Cordelia. We bonded over shared grief and eventually fell in love. I was judged. Friends said I had moved on too soon. I worried that they were right. But loving Cordelia never once diminished what I had with Lynn. Grief and joy can live in the same chest. You are not betraying anyone by still being alive.
This book is for the caregiver who is powering through and has not yet told anyone what it is costing them. I was that caregiver. And then I broke.
For the widow or widower who has felt a spark of life returning and crushed it under the weight of other people's expectations.
For anyone who is wondering whether they are grieving wrong.
If you're caring for someone with terminal illness, this book illuminates the path ahead. If you're navigating the aftermath of loss, it offers the comfort of shared experience. And if you're simply wondering how to keep living when everything has changed, these pages remind you that even in darkness, light breaks through.
I wrote Carrying the Tiger in real time, in posts to family and friends, from Lynn's first diagnosis through her final breath and three years beyond. You are not reading a reconstruction. You are reading the thing itself, as it happened, before I knew how it would end.
This is the book I needed. It will meet you where you are, and stay with you long after the last page.
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“Your book helped me transition through the painful loss of my best friend and then my brother and his wife. I know it will touch many others in a profound way.” — Gail Dahl
“[The book] is not about disease but about care, love and very interesting observations, so that someone reading it might not fear the journey but find it miraculous, unexpected and enriching...” — Cara Hyson, Director of the Writing Center, St. George’s School
“A beautiful and very human love story which breathes an extraordinary generosity of spirit.” — David Newman, author of Talking with Doctors
“Captures emotions and experiences that will be familiar to anyone who’s stood by a loved one facing a cancer diagnosis. But here, too, are quiet moments of joy and triumph; this is a work that will strengthen all who read it.” — Khalid Dar, MD, Oncologist, Mount Sinai Morningside
Semifinalist for the 2024 Booklife Prize! “Plot/idea: 10 out of 10; originality: 10 out of 10; prose: 10 out of 10; character/execution: 10 out of 10; overall: 10.00 out of 10”
“A beautifully devastating memoir… a remarkable odyssey of learning to ‘live fully in the shadow of death.’” – Publishers Weekly (Editor’s Pick)
“A masterclass in facing life’s hardest moments with grace... will resonate with anyone who has faced serious illness or the loss of a loved one.” - IndieReader
“A remarkably attuned rendering of the author’s and his wife’s experience of receiving a life-threatening cancer diagnosis, of their search for viable treatments, and of gaining and losing Time... A beautiful and very human love story which breathes an extraordinary generosity of spirit.”
— David Newman, author of Talking with Doctors
“I'd recommend it to a friend who wants to know what the process of 'living with dying' is like, and also I'd recommend to anyone the parts after Lynn's death, in which it balances grieving and thriving — the book becomes remarkable at that point.”
— George Mancuso*, MD, Cancer Committee Chair
* name changed because his employer does not permit endorsements